Love. Being Alone.

Sometimes I wonder how and why do people fall in and out of love so easily.

After ending an almost three years relationship, I have remained single for the past three years. I'm not sure what is the real reason why but some told me that I'm too particular and demanding when it comes to choosing the 'right one'. My inner voice is telling me this "Of course you have to choose the right one! Once bitten, twice shy".

When did I lost the courage to fall in love again? I don't know.
When will I meet the 'right one'? I don't know.

I always felt that I am slightly better than average.
Stable job, earning enough to feed myself, no debts, no records, sociable, pleasant-looking, healthy, independent and practical.
But, I'm single.

Many a times when I walked down the streets, there are dozens of couples walking past me and some of them might not be as 'average' as me. This makes me wonder why am I still single. I'm aware that I can't weigh things in such a manner as it is not fair and right to compare this way. Also, I shouldn't use too much practicality to analyse something that we are supposed to feel with our hearts. Sometimes, I just can't help wondering.

Many people told me that as a female, I am too manly. My looks are deceiving, I'm petite, demure when I'm quiet. Once I speak, I'm blunt and fast.

Friends have commented that I'm a man in a woman's body. I'm independent and strong (mentally). Deep inside, I knew that I need to have this amour to protect myself. If I don't, who will? No one at the moment. Thus, as time passes, these masculine characteristics became embedded in me, unknowingly.

Perhaps, I'm too timid and, at the same time, too practical to fall in love once again.